Obsessions Over Resolutions

It is the 1st of January! What do we all do at this time of the year? Set a New Year’s resolution for “a new me”. How many of us actually succeed? 

I did it a lot when I was younger. Setting a new resolution I was going to stick with for the entire year. The thing was, I did it because everyone else did it and it was more of a conversational piece and it would last, maybe, a month.

I have never gone through with it except once. I lived in Japan and the preferred body type for women was basically skin and bones. Despite knowing my genetics of being thicker bodied, I felt fat living amongst the Japanese. One new year's day, I told myself I was going to become skinny. I became so unhealthy about it because nothing else worked. I was cardio strong, back then, since I rode my bicycle everywhere and thus had thunder thighs as well. I was already “healthy”, but no, I wanted to fit into the society I was in.

Although I had black hair, the Japanese people could tell I wasn’t Japanese (which I am not). No matter where I went, I always had people talking behind my back about my physique. I remember when I was in a volleyball team with my boyfriend, at the time, and I had gotten into a tournament without him, but he went to watch the game anyway. Everybody around him, it seemed, mentioned something about me having black hair, but it was so obvious I wasn’t Japanese. “Oh my God, Becky, look at her butt!” (I hope you know this reference!) Basically talking about how big I was and not in a good way. 

Well, this one particular year, I told myself I was going to be just as skinny as these Japanese girls. I started in January and by August, I achieved my goal. I must have been about 120-125 lbs, I think, maybe even less. I was so proud of myself! I got compliments from every Japanese friend and acquaintance. However, I sent pics to my friends in the states and they all told me I was anorexic and needed to go out and find me some bagels and lots and LOTS of cream cheese. Someone mentioned I looked sick and my eyes were sunken. 

This is an actual picture of me! I was 23(?).

The skinniest I have ever been in my entire life.

I went back to my old self after, with healthy muscle tone and thickness. The me that I felt best in and not what the Japanese people complimented me on. Whatever the case, I made it happen that one time, and I may have “looked” good, but I felt weak. So that ended quickly. 

Why did this one stick and others resolutions didn’t? In all honesty, I think it was because I had an extremely supportive boyfriend, at the time, who probably wanted to see this happen as well. The point is, I saw it through, but I didn’t keep it going. In this case, it was a good thing!

Most people think about 1 thing for resolutions by the end of the year. Losing weight is the most popular and I have heard of success stories, but a lot of them come from a moment of desperation of “something has to happen or else” and it has nothing to do with the new year.

I feel like we put a lot of pressure on our physical image. I did, for sure! Becoming skinny was the goal and I didn’t care how I got there. Turned out I didn’t feel good. I was always starving and ate things that had absolutely no nutritional value, because there were practically zero calories.

Now that I am in my 40s, I noticed when I put goals towards a bigger purpose, I stick to it. For example, when I went vegan for the month of August, earlier this year. I did it, because I was desperate to get my energy back. I achieved it and felt AMAZING. I thought I was doing enough to keep that amazing feeling going, but it has been obvious I have not. I am determined to find out where my happy place is in my food intake. I don’t want to be completely vegan, nor vegetarian. I still want my meat. My point is I am determined to “feel better” and when I find it, my weight will follow, and it is still a working progress. I have not given up on this journey.

So getting my energy back is my big picture. Once I figure out what works for my body and I do get my energy back these will follow suit: healthier skin, healthier weight, healthier hair & nails, and healthier lifestyles.

I do similar things in my business. I have a big picture in mind and narrow things down. For example, I know exactly what I want my life to look like when I am 70 (as well as when I draw my last breath). According to that, I figure out what needs to happen by the time I am 60 to achieve that goal, then narrow it down to 50 as well. Then I figure out what needs to be achieved in 5 years from now. Then, finally, I look at what needs to be done this year to take that step closer to my goal. 

One year is a long time, goals that come to you naturally can be achieved easier, so not putting so much meaning to the new year is actually better. Take your time and figure yourself out and whenever you are ready, sit down and start planning. Keep in mind, we are all different and I am only sharing what worked for me. 

What has worked for me is this:

1. Word of the year - Seeing, in my mind's eye,  what I want by the end of the year. What do I want to accomplish? I’ll focus on one thing. Last January, my husband and I agreed to focus on his real estate. So Socializing sounded like a place to start.

2. To do list - With socializing, what do we need to do to achieve this goal of expanding our immediate network? Networking functions, house parties, etc. we decided we wanted to start with our immediate neighborhood and add networking functions outside of our neighborhood later, when we feel a little more comfortable. 

3. When? How often? - We wanted to do some sort of socializing at least once a month. Just to get things started we set our first house party and we sent out an invitation on Facebook right away. 

4. Set your triggers - Just like triggers for anxiety, I set positive triggers that will remind me of my goal. I set my ringtone for my phone with P!nk’s “Get The Party Started” song. I set my password to “I have a big circle of friends and acquaintances” so that I would “think” the password, as I type, and can’t help actually thinking about it more even if it’s subconscious. Setting the house up to be ready for a house party at any moment. And more! You can get super creative with this stuff. Make it fun! You just need reminders of your goal. Something that will make you unconsciously think about it. It can be a candle that has the word socialize on the jar. You can light it and subconsciously think about the word socializing and your imagination will take it from there.

Not only are you setting a goal, you are planning things out. The most important thing to understand is that a goal is never set in stone. Again, one year is a long time, things happen and goals may need to be adjusted, changed or you may need to start all over again with the planning. Life happens all the time and your need for focus may change completely. 

If you can’t seem to use the word “goal” without feeling over the top obsessed (putting too much meaning to it), feeling uneasy, or whatever else, use a different word. As human beings, we tend to make things a little too heavy, so if you have put too much meaning (weight) into the word goal, it may not be as easy to accomplish.

Just a side note: In the last 2 years, my goal changed so many times. My husband lost his job mid last year. I didn’t change it then, but when the year was coming to an end, I realized my goal couldn’t be achieved. It took me some time, but I told myself that I can just keep the goal for another year. By February, my husband had to take a different turn in his profession, which brought me to realize my goal will have to wait. So we sat down and set goals that were completely different from what we had set in the beginning of January. Then in June/July, he took another turn and we had to change our goals all over again. 

All of this sounds exhausting, but we didn’t literally “sit down” for hours on end to figure this out every time my husband took a turn in his professional life. We just talked about it here and there and made sure we had it written down and occasionally thought about what we could do to set triggers. One thing we do, no matter what, is dream together. When things go right and what we can do to move towards our future goals, our bigger picture goals. 

If you decide to do it, GREAT!! Good luck and hopefully I get to hear your story.