Do you go nuts, as much as I do, every holiday? Over presents? There seems to be a need to fill that space under that tree… Every year, I spend hours trying to figure out what presents I will be getting for each person in my family. It is so hard to shop for people!

My niece? She is easy. At her age, opening presents is half the fun and the other half is the surprise of that one thing she had always wanted… Or so she says. What she has is completely dictated by what she gets from the adults she is surrounded by. So it is kind of easy to get things you know she doesn’t have or needs upgrading. Her likes and dislikes seem to change every single year, but what is consistent is her love for art. ANY kind of art.

Adults are a different story. We get what we want when we want it. I know I do! My niece is the only person who is a child in my immediate family. And thank goodness my entire immediate family consists of my mother, my brother, my husband, and my husband's dad and stepmom here and his mom and adoptive dad in South Carolina. My point is we do not have a HUGE family and so we don’t really need to worry about too many people.

However, it doesn’t matter if you have one or 20 adult family members, it is still a hard task and it weighs on our minds for a long time until the item is bought, wrapped, and under the tree.

Changing the subject, but it will make sense in the end;
Being that I was born and raised in Japan, I was used to having no space for anything, but still found space for things. When I met Josh, he was always surprised at how much space I would find in places that seemed impossible. It was a needed talent in Japan, but one day, sometime after Josh and I got married (10 years ago), I felt like my house had too much going on. It took selling our first house together to realize this.

Because we were moving and needed to sell our house, our realtor said we needed to make the place look spacious. So I packed up practically everything we owned, but our clothes,plates and silverware. It felt so good not having so much stuff!

We moved once since then and I took the opportunity to toss or donate everything we didn’t need to take to our new house. The good news was, we had already made a rule: If we don’t use it for two years, out of the house it goes. So we didn’t have as much to get rid of as the first time we moved.

My mother LOVES shopping for good deals. She shops as if we are still small. She sees something nice, in her taste, she will get it for me and everyone else, without a second thought. I had so many clothes I didn’t wear, so many things, including mugs, that kept piling up, which she had bought over the years. One day, I told myself, I just need to clear everything up again. So I went through my entire house and cleared everything I had not touched in two+ years.

The next time my mother visited, I told her I had to clear everything out and she said “I noticed”. In response I said “Mom, I love you, but I have my house the way I like it and I don’t want to add anything to it. Especially when it comes to decor. I have kept my favorites from you, but I think this right here is enough. I am sorry I had to do that, but I feel so much better with less clutter.”

My brother gets his daughter every summer and every other Christmas. During the time of her stay, my brother, niece, and my mother stays at my house so we could all be together as a family. During our Christmases, with all of us together, we try to fill up the space under the tree for my niece’s sake. However, when she is not around, we have all agreed there is no need to get presents for each other. We are adults and have gotten what we wanted when we wanted it. The whole reason why it is so hard to shop for other adults.

Occasionally, I will buy presents, knowing for a fact that was what they wanted but didn’t get yet. Or it will be something like a spa gift card, a potted plant or a bouquet of flowers, or something else that will potentially not be something they feel “obligated” to use or put up as decor somewhere. Other than that, I don’t normally get presents for people.

So that is me and how I get presents for others. When people tell me what they are getting for a family or a friend and they say “isn’t this a nice gift for them?” All I can think is: I don’t know them; if they are anything like me that will not go on display in my house; as long as you don’t get bothered by the possibility it may go into the trash or get donated, go for it! Then my next thought is Bing Bang Theory’s episode where Amy gets Penny that awful painting and Penny’s reaction to that.

Why do we make ourselves go through a painful time figuring out what they want and going to endless stores to get some sort of inspiration just for them to potentially stuff into a closet, toss or donate? And also why put the gifted in a position where they will feel bad if they don’t use it and/or can’t donate or toss it. By buying gifts we do not know for a fact if they will like it or not, we have put us and them, the gifter and the gifted, in a position of obligation.

I remember giving someone a wall decor and the next time I went to her house, I looked everywhere to see if she used it. I really wanted to see how it turned out. I was genuinely curious and excited to see the result. I was so bummed when I didn’t see it anywhere and I didn’t want to ask and make the other person feel bad either.

I don’t see anything wrong with gifting quality family time. For example, we can get cake mix and make a cake with our adult kids. Or we can get a blank canvas, take turns painting/drawing on that one canvas and see what turns up at the end. Create memories!

I also do not see anything wrong in getting something super thoughtful. For example, last year, I gifted a lot of people (who has seen me since the beginning of my biz) a cutting of my plant at home, put it in a simple but pretty container, and in the card I mentioned something about “Thank you for watching me grow”. They may kill the plant, but that is ok, because it is the thought behind the gift that was important.

There is also nothing wrong with getting something we know they want. I know my husband wants a certain type of drone, because he talks about it a lot. We just have not been able to afford it yet. But, when I can afford it and he has not bought it yet, I will totally get it for him!

Lastly, there is nothing wrong in gifting people what we end up buying for them, either. As long as we do not expect them to actually LOVE it and USE it. It is, after all, the thought that counts. Whether or not the item will be used or not, regifted or donated, it doesn’t matter. It is no longer ours to decide.

Christmas Shopping Headaches

Obsessions Over Resolutions

Family Triggers